Ascension Presents
Building Healthy Relationships
Fr. Mike shares three things that will help you build healthy relationships. If a couple wants to get married, that’s something we should celebrate. However, that doesn’t mean we should blindly encourage them no matter what, and offer cliche advice like, “You’re in love, and that’s all that matters,” or “Do what you heart tells you.” No matter how convincing a couple’s love for each other seems, there are some things that always need to be considered, especially in young relationships between two people who want to rush into marriage. When it comes to relationships, there are three things Fr. Mike says to keep in mind:
There are some things only time can reveal
Let your relationship be the actual age it is
Learn how to make decisions together
If you’re interested in more great advice on the road to getting married, check out the Joy-Filled Marriage Couple’s Set (https://bit.ly/2IRa7Dx).
Fr. Mike is also a presenter in these faith formation programs from Ascension:
Belonging: Baptism in the Family of God (https://bit.ly/2vQgGRx)
Chosen: This is Your Catholic Faith (https://bit.ly/2nCKKLK)
Altaration: The Mystery of the Mass Revealed (https://bit.ly/2vG9KX2)
YOU: Life, Love, and the Theology of the Body (https://bit.ly/2raspVB)
Get 18 of Fr. Mike’s best Ascension Presents videos in this exclusive DVD from Ascension:
Ascension Presents … Fr. Mike Schmitz (http://bit.ly/2sKUnJN)
Fr. Mike spoke at the Ascension Cafe during the World Meeting of Families. Watch him and other speakers get fired up over the gospel in the Ascension Cafe DVD (http://bit.ly/2sYtQaW).
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hi my name's father Mike Smits and what's my name hi my name's father Megha Schmitz and this is essential presents I actually know how to slow down a little bit and enunciate or pronunciate pronounce all of the syllables huh goofball here we go apparently had some coffee today oh wait hi my name's father Mike Smith's and this is a sense your presence so relationships important things in our lives yeah but here's an interesting thing I will encounter people who I guess for lack of a better term are a better way to say it tend to rush into relationships maybe that's it they tend to rush into relationships and they kind of jump ahead of where they should be to where they would like to be in relationships this might be you or this might be someone that you love and care about in that that's this is the reason why I made this video here's what I mean it's the kind of person who they're saying like oh you know we I we been dating for two months but we know we're gonna get married like okay hey I want to actually commend you on the fact that you're discerning and dating oriented towards marriage on the Western world you probably know this already Western civilization is at an all-time low when it comes to people marrying and wanting to have children so if you're like oriented towards marriage good thumbs up for you but there's a good way maybe even a better way to go about it here's three things to keep in mind if you're in a relationship and you tend to be the kind of person who doesn't drag their feet but the kind of person who likes to race ahead number one time time is absolutely essential for a relationship what I mean is someone can say hey we've you know we've known each other for a short amount of time we want to get mayor actually I remember having a couple come to me and saying we want to get married on the one-year anniversary of our first date and I said please know why for many reasons but one of those reasons is there are some things that only time can reveal yeah I mean this is the reality of the thing if there are some things only time can reveal you can say no no we talk a lot we have really good communication we share everything that's neat but there's some things only time can reveal and so the kind of things you talked about at month number 6b are different than the things you talked about in month number 16 and different than things you talked about after a couple years there are some things there's a depth that cannot I in my experience at least that cannot be reached without that gift of time so number one kind of in a certain sense slow down again if you unless you unless you're the dragging feet person you're like we've been dating for seven years and I'm thinking about marrying this person well then you need to be call I think they say fish or cut bait that's not what I'm talking about if you're the kind of person who's rushing time there are some things only time can reveal number two here's the setup for this I work on the University campus and there are students who arrive every year and they'll say things like this someone will say hey what year are you and they'll say well technically I'm a junior because I've I took all these you know high school college classes but I mean it's my first year the response is oh you're a freshman got it because they're like no no I'm a junior like you just got here first year student / freshman it's this it's the desire to have a relationship that's more mature or in a different place than your relationship actually is it's the relationship that says as I said the beginning of this video you know we've only been dating two months but we knew we were gonna get married after the third date go okay now keep in mind I know everyone in the brothers gonna say well my grandparents they knew right away or my whoever knew right away fine whatever maybe I'm wrong I'll get sassy in a second here but there's some things again that not just time will reveal but there's something about allowing a two-month old relationship to be two months old right there's that something about that's something good about letting this is the fourth date let it be the fourth date what I mean by that is there are some couples that I've spoken with who are like you know ever since the third date or the third week or whatever it is we knew we were gonna marry gonna get married that after a year or two all of a sudden these issues start arising in their relationship that they realize they have to deal with because they didn't deal with it earlier because they're like well no weird ain't married so here comes an issue after you know six months whatever it is and rather than like oh wait this is something we need to address the response was well we're gonna get married anyway so it doesn't matter if it's an issue it matters my encouragement again this is like scolding anyone this is my encouragement if you're in a six-month old relationship let your relationship be six months old if you're ending for two years let it be two years old dump and that it's only been a month right so treat your relationship according to the actual age of the relationship not where you'd like it to be in the advance or in the future I mean or whether you like it to be like because you're dragging your feet person number three so number one time number two let your relationship be the actual age it is number three is problem solving no this is kind of relatively different than all the other things the two other things does is before this but if you're like okay what should we work on in our relationship well there's things like praying together yeah I would say one of the greatest skills that couples can work on with each other is learning how to solve problems or learning how to make decisions with each other because you probably know how to make a decision right you know your style you probably figured out that maybe you're a quick deciding person and you just say look at the patient's like oh I'm gonna do this and maybe the statistics on you making the right decision because you make a snap judgment is eighty percent of the time eighty percent of the time you're very happy with the decision and twenty percent of the time you regret that but you're okay with that because why because those odds or that ratio is okay with you now the person you're dating or married to or whatever might be the opposite they might be someone who is really really slow to make decisions and so sometimes they maybe don't even make decisions sometimes there may be the kind of person who says you know 75 percent that I just if I can avoid making a decision usually resolves itself you might know someone like this maybe you're someone like this they don't make a decision usually it just resolves itself and things work out yeah and maybe 25% of the time it doesn't work out and everyone has to scramble like to pick up the pieces but I'm okay with that ratio if 75% of time it's fine in 25% scramble now take an 80% you know snap judgment and at 75% I'll just let it resolve itself and they'll let them figure out how to resolve a question or make a decision with each other it's not impossible but they're going to need to learn how to do that thing so the third little piece of advice I would offer is if you're in a relationship learn how to make decisions together learn how to solve problems together learn how to address issues with each other if you're not in relationship right now you were in a relationship with somebody maybe have a roommate we have a friend or family members that you actually get to make decisions and maybe have to make decisions with them that's not a bad thing because what you're doing is you're developing a skill and that skill is I'm not the only one involved in making this decision so what I need to do is learn how to do that with someone else all the while being honest all the while being you know loving and charitable all the while whatever so here's little you know by the Mike's a little three tips for relationships Wow rhyming three tips for relationships number one time something's only time can reveal number two let the relationship be the age it actually is not the age you want it to be and number three learn how to solve problems with the people around you or the person with whom you are in a relationship that's what I got a for today from all of us here to Center presence my name's brother Mike Kellis [Music] you
#Building #Healthy #Relationships
source
I don't even know what that means anymore but ok
There is no Love and power like the Holy Spirit of Truth he is unique, matchless, endless, all faithful, all particular, peculiar, very watchful, exceedingly joyful, explosive laughter, long patience for latter and early rain of Anointing to help, answers, and blessings. Well, Well, Well we press for the most holy prize running this race to keep lawfully my vows, holy covenant, daily most awesome sacrifice. Continue to pray for my family and I and Cathloic families church that we won't quite, stop, faint, won't take the Mark of beast, give up or give down to the wrong enemies, that we will get receive the dung, confusion in the face, wickness, of rebellion of selling our soul to any devil or buy to get thru the land to corrupt our Darling holy Nation. Enjoy your high holy days don't waste them for God sake or your family or yourself. Much love and happiness be unto you all.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉✅☔👑💯🥰🎁😘🤗🆘🙏💕💞
Thanks!
Thanks!
akeem and jazmyne
Thank you Father Mike.
Thank you for these videos, always so encouraging and helpful!
This video is a gift. Thank you!
Great!
A very wise person once said to me, no matter who you marry, you wake up, married to someone else. And you let the chips fall where they may. Advice. I should’ve taken it I didn’t because I knew better than everybody else. It didn’t end well. Because you’re right you don’t talk about the same things at six months that you talk to 16 months or after 24 months or after he’s been gone for 25 days on a business trip. People change, and that’s a really important lesson. I taught one of my children that lesson. The other one it wouldn’t of mattered if I talk to him till I was blue in the face he was never going to get married, and he was never going to have children and if you asked him why he say I grew up 19 years in my parents house. I know everything there is to know.
One of the things I loved, was how my parents communicated. Prayer was always part of this discussion to from both of them. I learned from my dad that they would first discuss the subject. Then they would figure out which one of them knew more about it so they could look into it. Whoever knew the most about it investigated and came back with what they discovered. Then the two of decide what the best response would be to that situation. And then, after that, they would come to a decision. The second way was if they both came up with the exact same information. They would literally come up with the best decision they could make. And always together as one and united. I know one of things they did was list, pros and cons. I admired both of them for their consistent and loving responses to try to come up with the best answer to a solution always together and always united as one.
My mother at the age of 16 went before the Blessed Sacrament asking God to give her a husband. I’m so glad she did. My dad was way ahead of his time and very egalitarian with his wife and with his children. As head of the house, he definitely took the lowest position and stayed there. You can’t even imagine the ways that my dad served and loved my mom. My highest recommendation is to go before the blessed sacrament and ask God to give you the person you are to marry. 🙏🏼🛐🕊️🙏🏼
People don’t change. In time, you just get to know them better.
Made my day… there is some things only time can reveal.
Your tongue was probably born to speak German rather than English. English is quite hard to speak in an American accent.
Amen
You are so awesome, father Mike
Open transparent direct communication
Uh…what is your name?🤪
I am trying "to build healthy relationships" always HOPE. Strong Faith! And yes, jumped into a crazy relationship(s) over the years. As a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Survivor of Domestic Violence (more than once) ….. sorta feel ruined. I am very strong minded yet was repeatedly manipulated, and I have made very poor choices! one thing is for sure ….No more unevenly yoked marriages! The first husband was suspected of abusing and/or ending the life of hookers. Ex was 'DNA'd (so to speak) like 2 years later and wrongfully cleared …. in other words never charged. And many years later died a horrific death (by a confessed roommate) ….. doing time. He passed away- atheist. Note: I had no business marrying an atheist, seek life of normalcy …. some of my neighbor's are crazy and atheists. I haven't been to church in years. Wonder how can people not believe in God? very common in the world today. Hope to write a book. Great Video Fr. Mike! Believe God called you to PRAY for others, preach, including all the 'You Tube' teachings …. social media.
Hi Fr. Mike good afternoon. Just wanted to let you know that my husband Miguel and I always watch your videos and do a lot of discerning and meditation right after them because they have help us to grow personally spiritually and to share with others what we have learned. And some we have even shared with our kids. Great keep up the good work for Jesus. God bless you.
Father why do i attract crazy people onto my life😭
😊
Great tips Fr. Mike, but I guess there's a lot of cultural differences here, in Kerala, India, where I am from, Catholics are not encouraged to date at all.. it's more of family arranged marriages and dating is an alien and shameful concept.. There is no awareness about Catholic-style dating at all..if you want to get to know about your partner, it's only after you are engaged. You get to meet the prospective partner for a couple of times and have to make a decision about marriage solely based on that.. you might even get married within a month of getting to know your fiance!! it's like spinning the wheel and testing your luck..! So we may be Catholic in our faith and upbringing, but it's sad to acknowledge that these points you discussed don't apply to a majority of Catholic youngsters in our place.
I wonder, what if your partner is also your, lets say, childhood friend and you've had plenty of time to know each other. Would it still be rushing if they get married about 6-7 months in?
Fr. Please pray for me girl and all my son's and daughters boys/girls. My boy father, my boy husband. My whole family members living and deceased boys and girls. For always being as created and blessed by God. Gave us good, goodness, , happyness,joyfulness, peace, blessings, kept away and protected from all hells everything and everyone. Never we should be hells onyone and anything. ………… remember and pray for all inocent good goodness blessed etc suffering,tortured , insulted, shamed , betten, hit, raped,forced to be bad, hells everything and everyone. Fr. Please pray for all as priests right prayers matters a lot for all and whole world. I personally remember and pray for all truly good, goodness, inocent, blessed, devoted, dedicated , right prayful, loving , all priests, nuns, brothers, sisters, catholics, bishops, pops. In there priesthood and vocation. God bless us all and especially all who needs prayers and blessings……….!
Thanks for the fun at the beginning.
Limerence confuses us. Must give it time.
Would like to see the church teaching on familiar spirits an enslavement of the mind.
this is the definitive information from a non-definitive vision.
Thank you !
Wish I had this information before I married!
Thank you for being so real!
🤣🤣🤣
So, the Bible was written by the Catholic Church and I’ve done the research. Also, when I listen to a priest talk about the history of the Bible they give pretty cool facts about who, where and why. Anyways, I get a little frustrated with non Catholics who preach the Bible and don’t talk about it’s Catholic origin, and treat its history like God miraculously made it. If anyone has good advice on the matter, that would be much appreciated. Thanks
My husband and I got engaged after dating for three months. We. Just. Knew. That said, we also had a two and a half year long engagement before we got married, and it gave us a good amount of time to get to know each other before getting married. Did we rush into getting engaged? Maybe, but we did at least take longer to get married than we did to get engaged. We had initially planned to get get married six months after we got engaged. In hindsight, that would have definitely been way too soon for us.
I know we are the exception, but my hubby and I knew on our second date we were going to get married. We told no one because we knew they would freak out. 18 months later we were married. That was 26 years ago, Blessed be God. Then again we were both a little older. I was 32, wondering if I would EVER get married…. Hubby was 44. We worked together in surgery and just knew. Knew we belonged together. Deo gratias!
The problem with trying to achieve almost scientific discernment is that you might be that much more upset by any disappointments that come after marriage – because they will run contrary to your 'perfect' discernment. The best marriages I know tied the knot quite early (1-2 years). In some way, marriage is about going all in (with some common sense). But! Main point should be – there are LOTS of factors at play…
Yes on learning to problem-solve. If the other person can't collaborate in problem-solving, it's probably not meant to be. Yes on patience; always good, due to being a virtue. However, waiting, by itself, doesn't make a relationship better per se. It just makes it older. It does, of course, give the two participants a chance to get to know each other and become used to each other's idiosyncrasies, (as well as discover the truth about any deceptions that one or both have been trying to use on the other,) but it's not guaranteed to fix things. Always be vigilant.
My cousin had an arranged marriage and only spent a week with her before getting married
Love your wisdom father, I feel my mind is really improving and being reframed to something so much better the more I listen to you,👏
Lol fr. Mike your a fiesty
1.time- some things only time can truly reveal, so don’t rush 2.understand how far you truly are, be honest with yourself 3. Problems are bound to occur, so build have the best problem solving/decision making skills possible.
Some good book is his needs her needs, and the five languages too. People shouldn't rush into marriages and people shouldn't push people into marriages too.
Father Mike has the amazing ability to discern and speak more words in a given minute than ANYBODY I have ever encountered on youtube or any place else for that matter.
An 8 to 10 minute presentation from him is the equivalent of an entire conference from others. How blessed are we to share in his lessons, in his wisdom and his abilities…and how blessed is Father Mike from the Father Almighty – who bestowed so much in him.
When you are abundant in His blessings you share them with others…so God can see your cup emptied and pour out another. The proof of that…is evident in these videos. With much heartfelt appreciation from Canada….
Ooof! Called out in the first minute.
I guess it’s progress to acknowledge it 😬
WOW I didn't realise how useful this would be in my life right now. Thank you, Father.
Father Mike; do you think this pursuit of relationships into going as fast as possible into depth is really a hunger for responsibility, but badly misguided and rushed? It sounds like that to me, but what about yourself?