How To Have A Healthy Relationship (in 5 Steps)

How To Have A Healthy Relationship (in 5 Steps)



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Keep attracting toxic, unhealthy relationships? Knowing what a healthy relationship looks like when you’re working towards having a healthy relationship is just the first step.

Understanding that it’s more important HOW you build your relationship, than WHO you build it with is important. Healthy relationship communication, healthy relationship building and healthy relationship behaviours all have a part to play, too.

I go through the FIVE stages of building a healthy relationship and how to cultivate skills for healthy relationships in this lesson.

Also knowing that your partner is committed to building healthy love is important. Make sure to let me know what you think in the comments!!

In my years as a self love coach, I’ve guided my clients from every possible heartbreaking scenario and breakup, and given them the tools they need to heal their trauma and learn the discipline of self love, so they can embody their most true, authentic and confident self!

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#HowToHaveAHealthyRelationship #BuildHealthyLove #AmyKerr

a study done in 2020 proved that what makes 
a great relationship is less about the person you choose and more about how you build that 
relationship together so i'm going to go against a lot of other channels on this topic and show 
you how to build a great relationship and how to be a great builder yourself rather than expect 
compatibility or chemistry to do that for you make sure you stick around till 
the very end of the video because i'll show you how to make sure your 
partner is a great builder as well and at what point it's time to end the 
relationship because it's never going to be healthy and if you're new to this channel 
welcome i'm amy and i help women who struggle with insecurity anxiety and low self-worth 
in relationships and i teach them to heal their past and connect to their true authentic 
selves so they can create the healthy secure and loving relationship they desire and if you want 
more content on this topic please subscribe to this channel and hit the bell button so you get 
notified when i post new content twice a week now before we begin i want to let you know that 
a few places have opened up on my calendar for the free one-to-one consult with me for the love 
by design program make sure you stick around till the end of the video for the announcement on how 
to sign up for that so a healthy relationship is something that is built over time it doesn't come 
straight away we can have this misconception that if only we can find the right person we'll finally 
have a happy healthy relationship and we miss the fact that healthy relationships take time to build 
deep intimacy and authentic communication does not happen straight away and if we're in the early 
stages of dating someone and we think we've got deep intimacy and authentic connection already 
wait till you experience conflict with them how you manage and navigate conflict while expressing 
your needs and hearing and working with theirs is actually how deep intimacy and communication is 
developed it never comes straight away and the kind it seems to doesn't last so you want to make 
sure that you've chosen a partner who's a good builder who's committed to the process of building 
with you and doesn't run or pull back at the first sign of conflict and is showing with their 
actions not just their words that they're willing to put in the effort and they're flexible to take 
feedback about what does and doesn't work for you and is showing up every day and choosing you and 
of course on the flip side you want to make sure that you are a good builder as well and you're 
committed to this process of building and how you are at repairing the bond with your partner 
after conflict and what actions you're putting in every day to show commitment willingness 
and flexibility now today's lesson is focused on the steps you need to go through as a couple 
in order to build a relationship that's healthy so this assumes that you've already selected a 
partner who's a good builder and if you struggle with the selection process and with dating in 
general i want you to watch this lesson on how to reset your dating mindset so that you can choose a 
partner you can build with so knowing that you're both committed to this building process and that 
you'll both make mistakes some of the time which is a normal part of learning to be a better 
builder you can make changes and tweaks along the way to keep improving the quality of your 
relationship of what you're building so if you're in a relationship and you want to improve its 
health this lesson is going to give you the tools to do that i'll also show you how to assess any 
significant issues or cracks in the building so to speak that might let you know it's time to seek 
outside help in the form of couples counselling or to consider the overall health of your 
relationship and if it's time to reassess things and possibly end things because what was 
being built isn't working for you so yes we're going to go with this building metaphor because 
i think it's important to remember that we aren't going to instantly have a fantastic relationship 
with anyone great chemistry and connection ebbs and flows and a lot of relationships can actually 
be saved if we take responsibility and learn better building skills ourselves and become a 
leader in the relationship and show our partner by modeling how to be a better builder as well 
and remember it takes two people to co-create a relationship so if your partner isn't putting in 
the effort time and energy to be a better builder themselves there's no amount of work you can 
do to change who they are they simply aren't a good building buddy for you you deserve someone 
who'll put in the effort and energy that you do which is evidenced by the fact that you're even 
watching this video the first stage of building a healthy relationship starts at the very beginning 
when you first met when you started dating were you in a good place were you happy on your own 
and looking for a partner to add to your life or did you date because you were really lonely 
and were lacking some self-esteem or confidence if we choose a partner from an insecure place it 
can affect the health of the relationship because as i've said relationships require both people to 
grow and learn together and if you've gone into a relationship to find safety or hunker down to stay 
stagnant that can place a lot of pressure on your partner to constantly provide that for you so if 
that's happening for you it's a great idea to look at your own sense of self and what you can do to 
reinforce your own self-worth and self-identity outside of the relationship the same goes for your 
partner as well because right from the beginning it's important for couples to maintain their 
sense of identity as well as your identity as a couple so identify what values you both share 
that you want to bring into and maintain in the relationship and what are your differences what 
are your individual goals that you can support each other to strive for maintaining a balance of 
individuality as well as your identity as a couple is important from the very beginning because it 
lays the groundwork for later on when you might go through conflict or times of stress with them and 
you need to be able to rely on your own internal resources to manage that conflict and to not take 
things personally with your partner or really get stuck in your insecurities the second stage is 
the honeymoon period and that's the foundation that you lay as a couple and this is such a fun 
and enjoyable and exciting time together you get to enjoy the simplicity of the new connection and 
all of the bonding chemicals that come with it and it's fun to get swept away in that connection to 
enjoy the romance and attraction that's going on and to have those funny and silly moments 
together and start deciding on anniversaries and all of these rituals we create during the 
honeymoon period they act as a bonding agent between you it's the glue that's going to keep you 
together down the track so enjoy this time it does end eventually when there's conflict or 
disagreement and the more you can keep this fresh energy of romance and significance going 
the stronger your bond will be so be conscious about creating these rituals as a couple celebrate 
the small wins and the funny silly moments and be romantic enjoy laying the foundation of what 
you hope to be a long-lasting relationship and it's okay to lose yourself a bit in the beginning 
it's normal and natural to get swept up in it all and consciously letting yourself do that while 
also knowing at some stage your feet are going to land back on the ground and you have the sense 
of self-worth and identity to stay stable when that happens is really important now the third 
stage is generally when the first conflict occurs and this is where we start laying the bricks of 
the relationship with the actual structure or container that will allow both of you to show 
up authentically and express your needs and be accepted as you are and accept them as they are 
happens it's really common at this stage for a relationship to rupture and break because we 
sometimes think that the honeymoon stage should keep going and now they're not the person we 
thought they were we've been perhaps living in a bit of fantasy land and maybe we're not used to 
conflict and we haven't experienced first hand how strong healthy conflict can make a relationship 
even stronger so up until now things have been pretty easy and now some efforts required to make 
sure you're both feeling seen and heard for who you are and you repair after conflict so that 
means both parties need to express their needs and their truth around a situation as well as take 
responsibility for any way they're not showing up respectfully or with integrity and if you want a 
great tool on how to do that watch this video on healthy relationship boundaries in my lesson on 
how to set healthy relationship boundaries with my 50 50 rule so each brick you lay as a couple 
in this stage is effectively what you both put in to be respectful of each other and repair your 
bond if it's been ruptured now this can look like everyday rituals to let you know each other you 
care making an effort to learn their love language so you know they actually feel loved and doing 
those things even when you're tired or grumpy making that commitment to your partner that their 
needs are as important as yours it can also look like how you bid to your partner to engage in 
intimacy or to connect physically after a conflict and when you're in conflict making sure you 
still treat each other with respect and care these are all the bricks you'd lay to build trust 
and intimacy and consciously showing up even when it's tough it's so easy and common for partners to 
not do this to not put the effort in when there's conflict and just stand back and place blame or 
think they're a victim and all that does is to slow down the build to a complete standstill it 
takes two people to build a relationship and if you notice your partner do this pulling back or 
you do it yourself that imbalance is going to ruin your trust and bond and what you've built up 
until this point now let me know in the comments below if this analogy is helping you understand 
what it takes to build a healthy relationship and please give it a thumbs up so more people 
see this video and get the knowledge as well so the next stage is to assess the inherent flaws 
because every relationship has cracks and flaws no relationship is perfect like no building is 
perfect so take a look at what the both of you built so far and really take some time to yourself 
to assess if what you've been building is actually what you want you might do this one or two years 
into the relationship or six months in but you've got to do this yourself you've got to ask this 
yourself is it working for you is the effort and energy you're putting in creating a relationship 
that you truly want that you're proud of are you showing up your best self and is there 
reciprocal support trust nurturing and commitment from your partner is this the kind of relationship 
you'd want someone you love dearly to be in you know it's so easy to fall into relationship and 
just run with it because it's good enough or we take the breadcrumbs of what we think we're worthy 
of or we turn breadcrumbs into diamonds and we fool ourselves about what's actually going on then 
we wake up in 5 10 or 20 years and realize we've spent our time building something that we don't 
want or we're not proud of or we didn't show up our best for or we didn't feel loved the way we 
deserve to feel this stage is really about honesty and truth and asking your partner those hard 
questions as well make sure that they're happy and not just running with it it's much better to 
ask these really honest questions in the first year or so before too much time has passed or you 
have commitments together like children that make this question a lot harder to answer now once 
you've worked your way through the first four stages it's time as a couple to get really clear 
on your goals and what you're working towards what you both want your building to actually look 
like you know you're both great builders you can work together and you complement each other's 
differences and you want to check your goals are in alignment we've been focused on the journey 
up until now but knowing you both share the same goals is important so talk about it do you both 
want marriage kids where do you want to live what does life look like when you're both retired 
what is your end goal together and individually what will make you ultimately happy and of course 
these goals shift and change and you've probably already talked about it but getting into the 
habit of communicating what you're working towards together as a couple and readdressing them every 
year will help keep you on track and keep you focused when you're going through a rough patch 
or times of conflict that seems to last forever you'll know that even though it's a hard time 
you're both committed and working towards something that you both want together so i hope 
you can see how in going through each of these five stages consciously it's possible to build a 
great relationship if we take responsibility for being a great builder ourself as well as checking 
that our partner is committed to building too and if you want to know the simple three-step 
process to go from anxious and insecure to secure in relationships you can join me in my 
free training on this you can sign up for that in the description below you can also come and 
meet me in my free facebook group love by design and please if you want to submit your 
application for the free one to one console you can do that all in the description 
below and let me know if you have any comments or questions about this analogy leave me a comment 
or question below i'd love to hear from you and if you found this video helpful please 
click the thumbs up button to help this channel out and subscribe because i post lessons 
like this twice a week and in the meantime here are some great next step videos for you to 
keep on watching so you can move towards this incredible relationship with the partner that you 
desire and for now i'll see you in the next video

#Healthy #Relationship #Steps

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