How To Have A Healthy Relationship (in 5 Steps)
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Keep attracting toxic, unhealthy relationships? Knowing what a healthy relationship looks like when you’re working towards having a healthy relationship is just the first step.
Understanding that it’s more important HOW you build your relationship, than WHO you build it with is important. Healthy relationship communication, healthy relationship building and healthy relationship behaviours all have a part to play, too.
I go through the FIVE stages of building a healthy relationship and how to cultivate skills for healthy relationships in this lesson.
Also knowing that your partner is committed to building healthy love is important. Make sure to let me know what you think in the comments!!
In my years as a self love coach, I’ve guided my clients from every possible heartbreaking scenario and breakup, and given them the tools they need to heal their trauma and learn the discipline of self love, so they can embody their most true, authentic and confident self!
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#HowToHaveAHealthyRelationship #BuildHealthyLove #AmyKerr
a study done in 2020 proved that what makes
a great relationship is less about the person you choose and more about how you build that
relationship together so i'm going to go against a lot of other channels on this topic and show
you how to build a great relationship and how to be a great builder yourself rather than expect
compatibility or chemistry to do that for you make sure you stick around till
the very end of the video because i'll show you how to make sure your
partner is a great builder as well and at what point it's time to end the
relationship because it's never going to be healthy and if you're new to this channel
welcome i'm amy and i help women who struggle with insecurity anxiety and low self-worth
in relationships and i teach them to heal their past and connect to their true authentic
selves so they can create the healthy secure and loving relationship they desire and if you want
more content on this topic please subscribe to this channel and hit the bell button so you get
notified when i post new content twice a week now before we begin i want to let you know that
a few places have opened up on my calendar for the free one-to-one consult with me for the love
by design program make sure you stick around till the end of the video for the announcement on how
to sign up for that so a healthy relationship is something that is built over time it doesn't come
straight away we can have this misconception that if only we can find the right person we'll finally
have a happy healthy relationship and we miss the fact that healthy relationships take time to build
deep intimacy and authentic communication does not happen straight away and if we're in the early
stages of dating someone and we think we've got deep intimacy and authentic connection already
wait till you experience conflict with them how you manage and navigate conflict while expressing
your needs and hearing and working with theirs is actually how deep intimacy and communication is
developed it never comes straight away and the kind it seems to doesn't last so you want to make
sure that you've chosen a partner who's a good builder who's committed to the process of building
with you and doesn't run or pull back at the first sign of conflict and is showing with their
actions not just their words that they're willing to put in the effort and they're flexible to take
feedback about what does and doesn't work for you and is showing up every day and choosing you and
of course on the flip side you want to make sure that you are a good builder as well and you're
committed to this process of building and how you are at repairing the bond with your partner
after conflict and what actions you're putting in every day to show commitment willingness
and flexibility now today's lesson is focused on the steps you need to go through as a couple
in order to build a relationship that's healthy so this assumes that you've already selected a
partner who's a good builder and if you struggle with the selection process and with dating in
general i want you to watch this lesson on how to reset your dating mindset so that you can choose a
partner you can build with so knowing that you're both committed to this building process and that
you'll both make mistakes some of the time which is a normal part of learning to be a better
builder you can make changes and tweaks along the way to keep improving the quality of your
relationship of what you're building so if you're in a relationship and you want to improve its
health this lesson is going to give you the tools to do that i'll also show you how to assess any
significant issues or cracks in the building so to speak that might let you know it's time to seek
outside help in the form of couples counselling or to consider the overall health of your
relationship and if it's time to reassess things and possibly end things because what was
being built isn't working for you so yes we're going to go with this building metaphor because
i think it's important to remember that we aren't going to instantly have a fantastic relationship
with anyone great chemistry and connection ebbs and flows and a lot of relationships can actually
be saved if we take responsibility and learn better building skills ourselves and become a
leader in the relationship and show our partner by modeling how to be a better builder as well
and remember it takes two people to co-create a relationship so if your partner isn't putting in
the effort time and energy to be a better builder themselves there's no amount of work you can
do to change who they are they simply aren't a good building buddy for you you deserve someone
who'll put in the effort and energy that you do which is evidenced by the fact that you're even
watching this video the first stage of building a healthy relationship starts at the very beginning
when you first met when you started dating were you in a good place were you happy on your own
and looking for a partner to add to your life or did you date because you were really lonely
and were lacking some self-esteem or confidence if we choose a partner from an insecure place it
can affect the health of the relationship because as i've said relationships require both people to
grow and learn together and if you've gone into a relationship to find safety or hunker down to stay
stagnant that can place a lot of pressure on your partner to constantly provide that for you so if
that's happening for you it's a great idea to look at your own sense of self and what you can do to
reinforce your own self-worth and self-identity outside of the relationship the same goes for your
partner as well because right from the beginning it's important for couples to maintain their
sense of identity as well as your identity as a couple so identify what values you both share
that you want to bring into and maintain in the relationship and what are your differences what
are your individual goals that you can support each other to strive for maintaining a balance of
individuality as well as your identity as a couple is important from the very beginning because it
lays the groundwork for later on when you might go through conflict or times of stress with them and
you need to be able to rely on your own internal resources to manage that conflict and to not take
things personally with your partner or really get stuck in your insecurities the second stage is
the honeymoon period and that's the foundation that you lay as a couple and this is such a fun
and enjoyable and exciting time together you get to enjoy the simplicity of the new connection and
all of the bonding chemicals that come with it and it's fun to get swept away in that connection to
enjoy the romance and attraction that's going on and to have those funny and silly moments
together and start deciding on anniversaries and all of these rituals we create during the
honeymoon period they act as a bonding agent between you it's the glue that's going to keep you
together down the track so enjoy this time it does end eventually when there's conflict or
disagreement and the more you can keep this fresh energy of romance and significance going
the stronger your bond will be so be conscious about creating these rituals as a couple celebrate
the small wins and the funny silly moments and be romantic enjoy laying the foundation of what
you hope to be a long-lasting relationship and it's okay to lose yourself a bit in the beginning
it's normal and natural to get swept up in it all and consciously letting yourself do that while
also knowing at some stage your feet are going to land back on the ground and you have the sense
of self-worth and identity to stay stable when that happens is really important now the third
stage is generally when the first conflict occurs and this is where we start laying the bricks of
the relationship with the actual structure or container that will allow both of you to show
up authentically and express your needs and be accepted as you are and accept them as they are
happens it's really common at this stage for a relationship to rupture and break because we
sometimes think that the honeymoon stage should keep going and now they're not the person we
thought they were we've been perhaps living in a bit of fantasy land and maybe we're not used to
conflict and we haven't experienced first hand how strong healthy conflict can make a relationship
even stronger so up until now things have been pretty easy and now some efforts required to make
sure you're both feeling seen and heard for who you are and you repair after conflict so that
means both parties need to express their needs and their truth around a situation as well as take
responsibility for any way they're not showing up respectfully or with integrity and if you want a
great tool on how to do that watch this video on healthy relationship boundaries in my lesson on
how to set healthy relationship boundaries with my 50 50 rule so each brick you lay as a couple
in this stage is effectively what you both put in to be respectful of each other and repair your
bond if it's been ruptured now this can look like everyday rituals to let you know each other you
care making an effort to learn their love language so you know they actually feel loved and doing
those things even when you're tired or grumpy making that commitment to your partner that their
needs are as important as yours it can also look like how you bid to your partner to engage in
intimacy or to connect physically after a conflict and when you're in conflict making sure you
still treat each other with respect and care these are all the bricks you'd lay to build trust
and intimacy and consciously showing up even when it's tough it's so easy and common for partners to
not do this to not put the effort in when there's conflict and just stand back and place blame or
think they're a victim and all that does is to slow down the build to a complete standstill it
takes two people to build a relationship and if you notice your partner do this pulling back or
you do it yourself that imbalance is going to ruin your trust and bond and what you've built up
until this point now let me know in the comments below if this analogy is helping you understand
what it takes to build a healthy relationship and please give it a thumbs up so more people
see this video and get the knowledge as well so the next stage is to assess the inherent flaws
because every relationship has cracks and flaws no relationship is perfect like no building is
perfect so take a look at what the both of you built so far and really take some time to yourself
to assess if what you've been building is actually what you want you might do this one or two years
into the relationship or six months in but you've got to do this yourself you've got to ask this
yourself is it working for you is the effort and energy you're putting in creating a relationship
that you truly want that you're proud of are you showing up your best self and is there
reciprocal support trust nurturing and commitment from your partner is this the kind of relationship
you'd want someone you love dearly to be in you know it's so easy to fall into relationship and
just run with it because it's good enough or we take the breadcrumbs of what we think we're worthy
of or we turn breadcrumbs into diamonds and we fool ourselves about what's actually going on then
we wake up in 5 10 or 20 years and realize we've spent our time building something that we don't
want or we're not proud of or we didn't show up our best for or we didn't feel loved the way we
deserve to feel this stage is really about honesty and truth and asking your partner those hard
questions as well make sure that they're happy and not just running with it it's much better to
ask these really honest questions in the first year or so before too much time has passed or you
have commitments together like children that make this question a lot harder to answer now once
you've worked your way through the first four stages it's time as a couple to get really clear
on your goals and what you're working towards what you both want your building to actually look
like you know you're both great builders you can work together and you complement each other's
differences and you want to check your goals are in alignment we've been focused on the journey
up until now but knowing you both share the same goals is important so talk about it do you both
want marriage kids where do you want to live what does life look like when you're both retired
what is your end goal together and individually what will make you ultimately happy and of course
these goals shift and change and you've probably already talked about it but getting into the
habit of communicating what you're working towards together as a couple and readdressing them every
year will help keep you on track and keep you focused when you're going through a rough patch
or times of conflict that seems to last forever you'll know that even though it's a hard time
you're both committed and working towards something that you both want together so i hope
you can see how in going through each of these five stages consciously it's possible to build a
great relationship if we take responsibility for being a great builder ourself as well as checking
that our partner is committed to building too and if you want to know the simple three-step
process to go from anxious and insecure to secure in relationships you can join me in my
free training on this you can sign up for that in the description below you can also come and
meet me in my free facebook group love by design and please if you want to submit your
application for the free one to one console you can do that all in the description
below and let me know if you have any comments or questions about this analogy leave me a comment
or question below i'd love to hear from you and if you found this video helpful please
click the thumbs up button to help this channel out and subscribe because i post lessons
like this twice a week and in the meantime here are some great next step videos for you to
keep on watching so you can move towards this incredible relationship with the partner that you
desire and for now i'll see you in the next video
#Healthy #Relationship #Steps
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Hey everyone hope this was helpful! Leave me a comment with your thoughts? Be sure to check out my brand new masterclass on the 3 Steps to Heal Yourself after a Toxic Relationship Ends (Warning: Spots are limited)
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Great visual structure of stages. ✅️ 🎉🎉😃
Thank you so much for this video!
These are some excellent tools to assist me when I get into my next relationship!
I especially love how you used “building a home” as an example of how it’s like building a healthy relationship. ☺️
Thank you
Your videos are so encouraging and enlightening!
Do you have anyone you would recommend who teaches similarly to you, from a masculine perspective? Everything you share here is valid for any gender I think but I know your focus is more towards the feminine.
Do most people experience relationships like you talk about ? Like the honeymoon stage .
I’ve never had a relationship like that . Every relationship I’ve been in I don’t want to be in . Every relationship I want to be in , the person I’m interested in doesn’t like. Me , well they like me but they lose attraction as soon as t I show them I have feelings for them. It’s so tiring having to hide your feelings from a person all the time
This is a great analogy, thank you for this video. It gives me lots to reflect on and also feel confident about
Hello Amy
I came across your presentations a couple of weeks ago and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I now understand what I need to do in order to manifest a high value man!! Best wishes from Daniela from Folkestone Kent in the UK 🇬🇧 ❤
“Building buddy” such an excellent term!
If no chemistry no relatiinship😂
I am curious to know what you think about dating multiple people. Should it be one person at a time or is it ok if you have communicated that you are dating other people too. What do u think?
Thxs Amy..very useful information dear.
Amy, thank you so much for sharing these stages. I'm 75 and he is 77. I was married to one man for 55 1/2 yrs and everything seemed to just flow along and work out. He passed away 2 1/2 yrs ago. My partner now….his wife passed 8 mos. ago. It started out friends helping each other through our losses. Now we are actually building our NEW relationship together. The one thing I notice different is it is a bit more perplexing learning about new partnership after having been married so long before. We both deal with the loss of our spouses and by now set in our ways…..and considering all the new ways we view and relate to each other in this new situation. It's challenging but exciting! Your videos really help a lot in building a new relationship. Thank you.
The thing I love about your channel is it is focused on self. It seems like everything else is focused on “us” and that’s not super useful until we’ve started our own work. 😊
She starts at 3:45
he always runs away when I try to bring the topic
Very educational video. Strong work !
I genuinely love this video. From beginning to end. Thank you for this. 💕
❤️
Loving the channel! Grateful to discover it 😊🎉❤❤❤
Thank you so much for your wonderful videos,& great words of wisdom ❤
Thank you. Great content.