TEDx Talks
Learning to Live with Clinical Depression | Angelica Galluzzo | TEDxWesternU
Angelica shares how living with depression has impacted her life. Angelica Galluzzo is a mental health advocate, largely motivated by her own struggles with mental illness. After battling depression and suicidal ideation for many years, she became passionate about making an impact, using her voice to create positive change, and normalizing the struggles that many of us go through.
In 2021, she started her own podcast, called The Revolutionized Mind, with the goals of providing a safe space for people to share their stories, raising awareness about various mental illnesses, and learning how to embrace true authenticity.
Angelica graduated with an Honors Specialization in Psychology at Western University and has also completed her safeTALK, ASIST, and Mental Health First Aid certifications. She currently works full-time for Jack.org, a national charity that focuses on improving youth mental health and dismantling barriers such as stigma, access to resources, and more. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
I wanted to start by highlighting that although I am someone that identifies as a mental health Advocate who probably shares too many personal details about my life online I still really struggle with my mental illness sometimes the thing about clinical depression at least in my own experience is that symptoms aren't always triggered by a major life event you can be successful happy and feel like everything is going right for you until that dark cloud appears I first met my black cloud when I was 14 years old now I do not consider myself an artist by any means but this is my personal depiction of what it looks like sometimes on the outside you would have seen a straight A student someone with a very active social life and a promising athletic career ahead of her on the inside though there was a girl who was battling an overwhelming depression having constant suicidal ideation and ultimately looking for anything that would numb the pain beyond all the suffering that comes with mental illness there was the infamous stigma that left me feeling ashamed weak and isolated in my bottle I was so scared to tell anyone what was going on inside my mind because I knew I was privileged I had family and friends that loved me a roof over my head food on the table a good education athletic opportunities checking all the boxes I kept telling myself that I wasn't allowed to feel like this and each day was just another bad day that I needed to get over but it was so much more than that I was consistently forcing myself to be the person that everybody thought I was then I would come home and break down by myself and it wasn't until several years later I realized hiding my depression was only making things worse that probably seems obvious right but as I continue talking about how I learned to live with my mental illness I want you to remember exactly what we're talking about mental illness or more specifically depression something that completely clouds your thoughts feelings and behaviors when you're going through something like this the things that seem obvious are actually not so easy to do and when you add in Suicidal Thoughts self-harm substance use or other concurrent disorders it only gets harder but receiving the diagnosis brought on a whirlwind of emotions at first it made sense yeah these thoughts I'm having are definitely not normal depression sounds about right then I felt shame what do I have to be depressed about stop being so dramatic Angelica then came the fear sadness and embarrassment but also the validation comfort and insight that I was so desperately lacking you know I heard about this mental illness thing just a mere few times growing up maybe these people were on to something when they said it actually does exist it is a real illness and it can happen to anybody who would have thought so essentially I had very limited knowledge a great deal of inherited stigma and a lot of confusion about what this all meant for me I did know that I was someone living with a mental illness I did know that the topic of mental health was still very taboo and I did know that I was really struggling and needed to do something about it if I wanted to see myself living past High School I had to find a way to use what I knew to my advantage this black cloud was taking over my entire existence and whatever I was doing was just not working a different approach became essential for survival literally so I took matters into my own hands I developed an amateur emphasis on the amateur three-step plan for myself solely based on my own experiences with clinical depression the first step is simple acknowledgment after masking my illness for many years it was a big leap for me that I was someone who was suffering from a mental illness someone who needed medication to remain stable and someone who had to work extra hard at Staying Alive sometimes I had to learn to put a name to what I was going through these weren't just bad days or hormonal teenage years it was a severe depression combined with anxiety self-harm and suicidal ideation acknowledging these things gave me the space to understand my illness on a deeper level treat it with the gravity it needed and actually allow other people to recognize the vulnerable state that I was in the second step is acceptance I am diagnosed with clinical depression and that means that some days are just going to be really hard I've accepted that these are the circumstances that are sometimes unavoidable debilitating and frequent in my day-to-day life accepting the black cloud days has given me the freedom from having to hide it the permission to feel the things that I need to feel and the ability to intentionally choose coping mechanisms that best serve my current mental state which brings me to the third and final step allowance I pride myself on being very aware of when my black cloud is present with how overpowering it is it's actually not a hard thing to recognize but after simply acknowledging and accepting that it's there I need to allow it to be there while this may sound like I'm giving away my power it actually produces the opposite effect for me at least I shared how putting on a brave face and masking my illness only made my symptoms worsen but things drastically changed for me when I was able to say both to myself and to others you know what my black cloud is here today I'm not feeling the best I might need some time to sit with this I was no longer forcing myself to appear okay I was allowing myself to not be okay when appropriate of course and although I'm describing this as something like a magic antidote it absolutely does not take the severity of what that black cloud entails away what it does do however is it allows you to find peace in the madness and strengthen the battle I know what this is it sucks it's hard it's scary but you have gotten through this before and you will get through this again this mindful gentle and submissive mentality genuinely changed my relationship with my diagnosis by making the decision to grow with my illness instead of against it I have gotten so much better at managing my symptoms and ultimately have learned an incredible amount about myself I know some people might completely disagree with this mentality I see the potential harm that can come from befriending your illness for lack of a better term but while I do not consider myself an expert on the topic of depression I am an expert in my personal story I know what it's like to live with this invisible illness and maybe some of you listening to this today do as well the thing with mental illness is that it affects everyone differently there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach to matters as complex as these but when I hear people sharing both what works and what doesn't work for them it allows me to shape-shift and contort all of these ideas in a way that makes sense to me and I truly believe that I have developed a really unique and Powerful approach to living with clinical depression this was my way of owning my mental illness and making the best out of this unfortunate situation but it isn't always that easy I'm definitely not saying that I'm cured or that anytime my black cloud comes over me I know exactly what to do I wish it were as simple as that in fact my last oppressive episode occurred in December as I Was preparing this speech it was the worst one I had in a long time I had no motivation for anything and I was heavily struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation I told my therapist that I felt like a fraud for raving about this idea of learning to live with clinical depression when I'm still going through these dark times myself remember when I said that I absolutely do not have everything figured out but that's exactly what clinical depression is you can't always control when it will show up and you don't know how paralyzing it will be when that black cloud takes over you lose sight of everything that's why these three simple steps acknowledgment acceptance and allowance have become the easiest most effective way for me to deal with my depression there's one last thing that I want to leave you all with today that is practical for anybody to incorporate into their daily lives regardless of whether or not you battle a mental illness every single person in this room has mental health and I think that's something that unfortunately often goes unacknowledged in our world in the midst of one of the worst depressive episodes that I had ever been through I added one key thing to my morning routine and that was asking myself the simple question what do I need today I'm someone who absolutely lives by my agenda and cannot function without making a to-do list but what's on those to-do lists though or things that we can't avoid things like work school bills and responsibilities when we write those things down we're forgetting about one of the most crucial aspects of our entire existence the fact that we are humans first when was the last time you added something for you on your to-do list when asking myself this question I developed a very simple check-in practice with myself that really allowed me to prioritize my own well-being on a deeper level to make this easier you can break it down into three main categories or if this doesn't feel true to you I encourage you to create a version of this practice that makes the most sense to you every day I start with this question what do I need today I do a body scan and I ask myself questions is my black cloud here where are my energy levels at what do I need today then I go to my three pillars where is my mind at am I feeling overwhelmed do I need some stimulation outside of my regular work based on my answers and my own self-reflection I'll decide whether I want to make time to read a book at the end of the night maybe spend a couple hours watching TV to give my brain a break or even just simply practice some positive affirmations next where is my body at am I tired am I craving some movement again based on my answers I'll decide whether I need to make time for a nap add in a workout or maybe just even prioritize hydration and nutrition throughout the day lastly this one's my favorite where's my soul at am I feeling connected do I need to set aside some time for my spiritual health maybe this looks like calling a friend going for a nature walk and leaving my phone at home or burning some incense and practicing yoga the final part of this is taking action I think about where I may have some gaps in my day to incorporate these things for example it could be taking a walk on my lunch hour cooking a healthy dinner after work and reading before bed or it could simply be lighting a candle taking a nap after work and watching TV before bed it's all about meeting yourself where you're at each day now it is important to recognize that there are only 24 hours in a day and sometimes we just don't have the time or energy to do any of these things especially when it's a black cloud kind of day but the most important aspect of this entire practice and more broadly our entire lives is doing it with intention intentionality has become the biggest Factor throughout my healing journey and it all starts with what you tell yourself being intentional about your thoughts actions and goals can have much more of an impact than you think it may sound silly to say something like I'm cleaning my room to feel more organized and create a healthy space or I am going for a walk to move my body and enjoy nature but that mentality actually allows you to see and feel those benefits much more than if you were to say I have to clean my room because people are coming over or I need to take my dog outside ing intentions big or small has largely improved the way that I live and Lead my life what I've shared today may not work or apply to everyone but I can truly say that these things although quite minuscule in nature have changed my life for the better it's actually quite fitting that the theme of this event is the butterfly effect which states that small changes can produce large-scale impact when I change my Approach from masking my mental illness to owning it when I became intentional about making time for myself and when I just started taking time for my mental health not my mental illness I witnessed the butterfly effect in full force my mind became healthier my relationships got stronger I had a greater sense of self the less goes on and on as someone who used to only see darkness and thought that taking my own life was the only way out I am so proud to be standing here today highlighting that it is possible to own your mental illness instead of it owning you thank you [Applause]
#Learning #Live #Clinical #Depression #Angelica #Galluzzo #TEDxWesternU
source
❤❤❤❤❤
I’ve struggled with severe depression since I was 9 years old. I’m now 37 and still struggling. This Ted talk was helpful though. I wish there was a cure 😢
I Feel Like I'm Losing My Life To Depression.
I'm 54 and I have dealt with depression for most of my life.
What often bothers me is the judgement and lack of understanding from others. What I identified with most is soul or for myself the lack of friends and family ,a sense of security.
Thanks for sharing-so brave ❤
I will never accept this!! Never!
Im so tired of this depression.
Thank you for a beautiful message; however, your fry voice it's a little annoying. Wish you could talk normal.
I love this. Thank you, I've been crying daily even while doing tasks and was told this week about my depression. I understand now and I will heal and start over now.
The brain protects itself. My brain constantly tells my body it’s not safe in this reality.
All these comments have helped me put into words that I couldn’t find or explain to others myself…thank you guys keep y’all’s heads up
Constantly making final plans over and over and over. Cant imagine what it must be like for others to experience a guy who makes jokes, cares about other ppl, always considerate to know that the entire time Im actually making plans to end myself. I wonder how they'd react, I wonder if some of them are in the same boat. To live an external life in such a way while also setting ultimatums with oneself and ones end is something so weird, hard to explain.
I understand you. I’m clinically depressed since last 15 years. What I have learned-
1. Have a routine with 80% of your day pre planned and keep rest 20% to whatever your heart feels like doing. But that has to be healthy dopamine activities like reading books, cooking your meals, painting, walk on the grass bare feet etc and not unhealthy ones like being on social media, binge watching, alcohol, smoking etc.
2. Have short and long term goals ans reward yourself once you achieve.
3. Never isolate yourself. Meet new people on your day off from work. Go to book shops or events and push yourself to talk to people.
4. Not everyone deserves to know your struggle but only the ones you trust. Sadly i have to say not overdo sharing because generally people don’t like always sad people. It’s a brutal truth.
5. I think it’s both biological and lifestyle disease. I always make effort to shut my emotional part and ask logically if some change in my lifestyle is causing it. Like food, too busy at work, stressful environment and make effort to change it.
Biological part won’t fix but we can make it less debilitating
I love being depressed since the age of 4
I m crying after seeing this
I've struggled with depression my entire life. When I was younger, I had no word for the darkness that followed me everywhere. Now that I'm 50, I'm realizing that this disease has fully embraced me and will not let go. Though I attend therapy, see a psychiatrist, take my meds, etc., the fears and the "what ifs" are at an all-time high. I'm scared for my life. I'm not ready to die, yet I truly believe that it's the only way to find peace.
Is there a way I can get this in Spanish? It has no captions (at least in my country). I feel like this could help my parents understand my situation a little bit better.
I haven't gone out of the house in 2 months, either for a walk or driven anywhere. I haven't worn normal clothes either, just sweat pants or pajamas
I haven't been able to cry since I got this depression 5 years ago
Right on!
I feel you. Thank you so much for giving this talk.
I really felt identified with her story.
I have so much respect for her. its very inspiring, I believe her attitude can serve the many.
Mmm lemonz said he doesn't have a to-do list.
I have struggled since I was 15 and now I’m 50. I’m struggling once again for no real reason. It’s like I’m on a cycle with this stuff. I’m worn out. I just can’t take it anymore
This was so helpful thankyou
God help me . I have lived with this for over 40 years .
Offffffffffff i want to be normal again
Jesus Christ Loves you, come to him so you can be healed. My mental health problems have gone thanks to God. been hospitalized always been on pills since i was like 10. 26 years of atheism all i did was ask God to help me feel and boom i felt love like none before, the voices in my head have gone im not longer a paranoid schizophrenic/ depressive/ anxiety/ OCD just pure peace and love for you all, please please if you really want to be free of the pain you owe it to yourself to try all options, ask God to help you! mean it from your heart and it will be done. This is not a rambling of an AI or anything if you need proof i had mental health issues then i will prove it <3 Jesus Loves you, I love you, please stay on this earth and heal, greatness and pure love awaits you, no matter the circumstances/your past or what you have done, you are LOVEDDDDDDDDD <3 I love you all very much. Let the Father Heal and love you <3
Life sucks! That’s why we hate it here
I've had severe depression and anxiety since i was 15. I'm now 60 years old and exhausted. I continue to carry on, for me my faith in God gives me the courage and strength to go on. Bless you anyone dealing with this extreemly difficult existence. ❤
Nice one! Thank you 🙏🏻
Dealing with anxiety and stress was ruining my life until i read Mental Revival Code at lunetho^s it gave me a new mindset recommend it to everyone
For anyone dealing with stress, depression, or just feeling stuck in life, Mental Revival Code at lunetho^s is a must-read it seriously made a huge difference for me
Love the talk, 2 things i would add is add balance to your life don't be too hard on your self and read a book called Mental Revival Code lunethos/ literally saved me
Finding the effort to even do anything is hard work
virtual hugs to you Angelica, my daughter is experiencing the same, you are all brave and wish you the best!
As a person who tried several different methods to treat myself & took lectures & read some books (as an amateur student) & having gone through oh-so-many therapists & mindfulness practice & yoga & meditation & faint Buddhism in my case – I can sense, no, see that she went through a lot to try not to give up. Thank you for sharing your story and useful tips that are easy to understand – will come in handy for sure.
This made me cry shes so honest and beautoful. Her Shakey voice, her vulnerability thank you
It is caused by American society.
This is a great speech. As a young person I was often gaslit and minimized when I tried to explain I had depression. The doctors were willing to write a quick perscription yet give no resources or direction for rehab or getting to the route of ones problem. To slap a short label on something and just want to medicate someone is not the answer for such a complex huge issue. I chose no meds until I was in my 30s however that lent to a lot of disconnection and failures and missing out on life. I am in 40s now, and really wish I understood the seriousness of the illness earlier as I have made choices I regret, I suppose not properly taking into account what this speaker mentions, it affects thoughts, feelings and actions. I can relate to the speaker in that no amount of external success or anything really is going to fix the dark cloud from revisiting, but the little things in life can take the brunt of the blows down a few notches. It is good the word is getting out on all of these illnesses. I have too hard a time talking about it in real life as anyone who is not a sufferer has no way to understand the gravity of mental illnesses impact. New research in the field has definitely broken new ground. Take for example the research work of metabolic mind dot org and Dr Chris Palmer, or secondly Dr Georgia Ede…. … Personally I have preferred natural supplements over prescription meds, but it is still a matter of taking them all, and plus doing everything else in life in a harmonizing way to offset the negative impact of living with a life long illness. I have had some success in life in the way of work, but other than that I am very disconnected to people and do not know how to connect. I lost years and years of my life, and the energy I did have was reserved for work only. Beyond that I never seemed to be able to connect with people in a personal way. At current I am battling strong feelings of shame…and today I just tried to do self therapy in thinking, well ok, what if I allow myself to feel ashamed? And what do I have to be ashamed of?? As the feeling was so strong, I felt it in my chest like it was suffocating me…and so combating that thought level was sort of trying to think logically around that reality I was experiencing. I feel very alone, and pretty ashamed and don't usually leave long comments. Peace everyone
Clinical depression is not mental illness.
Thank you for this, really needed to see this today!
I have suffered severe depression for my whole life. I am 65 years old and I laughed once in the last 40 years. I cant tell you how bad it is because it is embarrassing bad.
Had it all my life. I m now 54 and my life feels a mess because of it. I.m scared
I can't wrap my head around this, I've already done enough research and it just doesn't make sense to me.