The School of Life
The Number One Rule for Healthy Relationships
In relationships, honesty is key. Learn how to say what you truly feel by following this one simple rule.
If you are looking for more rules to help guide your relationship, check out this article: https://www.theschooloflife.com/article/a-rule-to-help-your-relationship/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=description&utm_campaign=The%20number%20one%20rule%20for%20healthy%20relationships
The secret to maintaining a mature and respectful relationship is honest and open communication. Yet many of us hold back, suspecting that a frank confession of our feelings would risk upsetting or alienating our partner. The solution lies not in giving vent to anger, but in voicing the more vulnerable and sympathetic fears that lie beneath our complaints. Watch our film to learn the art of vulnerable communication – and discover what a healthy relationship truly looks like.
Looking for more relationship advice? Check out our Relationships playlist here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwxNMb28XmpcEwc0qydf2jSszQFSht81E
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Produced in collaboration with:
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Title animation produced in collaboration with
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#TheSchoolOfLife #Relationships #HealthyRelationships
as close as possible to the truth of what we're
actually feeling and to get this across to the partner in a way that they're going to understand
which in practice means with as much kindness and politeness as we can possibly scrape together
we normally do things quite differently we say I don't care in the slightest when you come home
I'll be sleep anyway when we really mean I miss you so much I'm rather upset that you keep going
out with your friends or we say go to hell and die I hate you when we really mean I'm terrified
of how much I depend on you or we get into heated arguments about politics When We crave something
far more domestic a hug or we sternly criticize their timekeeping because they didn't ask more
about our day or we find fault with their mother because we're Furious that they've repeatedly Sid
stepped sex or we say will you stop fussing around the kitchen preparing things I don't even want to
eat when we really mean I'm being cruel because I don't know how else to express my hurt why can't
we more often say what we mean we aren't just being silly none of this is simple in a better
arranged world we would have Olympic competitions to focus our minds on and celebrate the skills
involved and the winners would be given large houses and often appear on television to speak
candidly yet kindly is as complicated as to play the violin and perhaps a good deal more useful
and beautiful we don't say what we mean because we have no experience of anyone pulling off such
a wondrous and mature feat anywhere around us we were likely to have been brought up by people
who said things like you're off my hands now it doesn't matter to me what you do when they really
meant I crave closeness and wish you would call more often so here are some examples of what
we should try to do take a and turn it into B so a is shut the hell up about your stupid friends
and B might be I'm feeling a bit ignored at the moment it sounds a bit ridiculous I know but I
can't help but feeling a little bit jealous of how much time you seem to be spending with your mates
or a might be I never want to see you again you stinking ratface little sh and B would be it seems
I'm feeling really pretty upset at the moment and it makes me want to take a bit of distance I guess
deep down I'm terrified you're going to abandon me now over to you a I don't give a damn who you
talk to at the party and B might be or imagine a being why didn't you tidy the kitchen B might be
or if a is off and die B might be it's easy to get carried away with large plans for our futures
but we can improve them immeasurably with one modest sounding extremely difficult vow to pause
at Key moments and ask ourselves if I were going to try and be three things honest kind and polite
what would I say now this could change our lives
#Number #Rule #Healthy #Relationships
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I feel like this is video is just the narrator going off script while dropping knowledge about expressing yourself authentically and vulnerably at the same time 😂
I want a healthy relationship and not a toxic relationship
Lots can be done done and said for face-value relationship harmony and a veneer of "get along." Deep down, if a good match is not at the foundation of the relationship, all good intentions will go up in flames.
"I would want you to be more like…well, like what you are not and apparently cannot be."
This is what destroys relationships: what should have prevented them from happening in the first place.: a poor match of constitution.
Few issues…
Humans by nature like all living creatures carve for attention and to be on top of others. And humans for thousands of years do nothing more than fight, lie, change history argue and do anything to get attention of others. No matter how many youtube videos you make or how many hippie ideas you get about "make love not war" humans will never be honest as it's not natural. We know it's bad we know we should tell what we feel but real life doesn't work like that. Ideas like in this video are pretty much like trying communism… In a book it sounds possible to archive in real life it's most idiotic junk ideas you can try in life. We are not honest all the time because in this world you would end on the street doing it and cope immensely with it. No matter if it's 2025, 1600 or 100 BC life will never be compatible with such idea of "honesty" and if you think that only humans are not honest… Oh boy you don't know much about flora and fauna on earth…
I love you guyssss tooo muchhhh 😭😭😭😭
I feel this looks more an English course for English speakers
Non Violent Communication, by Marshal Rosenberg, is an excellent book on this exact topic.
2:15 xDDD but why is it so funny!
Thank you.
I have had a relationship with myself all my life
It doesn't apply if your partner has NPD. No matter how assertive you are, it'll always turn into a fight with them
This one of the best things I’ve ever seen on YT. Thanks.
Timestamps (Powered by Merlin AI)
00:10 – Honesty and kindness are key for healthy relationships
00:38 – Communicate feelings honestly in relationships
00:55 – Communicate openly instead of using avoiding tactics
01:18 – Healthy relationships are as complicated as playing the violin.
01:42 – Healthy relationships require clear communication and genuine care.
02:07 – Transform complaints into underlying feelings.
02:29 – Communicate openly to address underlying fears
02:54 – Pause and reflect on being honest, kind, and polite
I just don't get the actual meaning of the words said in the examples. How can I interpret it? The actual meaning and the words said just do not match up… Someone please help enlighten me 🙁
This is super powerful. Thank you so much and thank you for your very funny examples!
Thanks so much for this tip
sometime fluff off and dye means fluff off because some people dont deserve that much kindness
I am destined to be single. I am 41 and female.
To be strong is to be kind.
See my problem is finding people that can communicate effectively. Most people I’ve been around don’t communicate effectively or respond terribly to me communicating effectively or they just don’t listen to my communication at all which is when I tend to break down and not communicate efficiently. Which i know now to run if someone lashes out when I communicate or when they don’t listen to me but it took awhile for me to learn that.
Hurt people ,hurt people. Heal yourselves come out as clean as possible ,as if you are out of that Lazarus pit. People say mean things to push you away not because you are that .Some people cant take in that pain of being vulnerable they are super scared if they'd get hurt if they try to be close might be their wounds but even when someone tries to be with them through all this and still they push you away you deserve better thats it. Sometimes we end up thinking whats wrong with us which in reality is not true. When someone says to you that they are not ready they mean it 100% don't try to convince them . Walk away continue working on your self. Heal .its not a quick fix.
The only thing that will remain is you not them. Treat yourself like God. Ive been too kind putting others needs above mine only to loose myself just to pick up those broken pieces of mine and mend them and putem back together. This pattern should end raise your standards and don't settle for less .Remember this. Its better to be alone than be in wrong relationships and get your heart broken be fearless and take risks seek help go to therapy. And ya thats life.
My ex used to tell me “if you are not in love with me anymore, please tell me asap, so I won’t be losing time being a fool in the relationship” … Now guess who’s the clown 🤡
He lived the grief at 3.5 years, but I didn’t now. And now that we hit the 5 years anniversary he decided to break up. He left, turned back and started meeting new people, without crying a tear or feeling guilty… and left me here all alone, thinking so many things like what happened and why? 😢
All I was asking for is empathy, being honest and kind 💔
100% Truth trumps all. Truth and fearlessness.
The problem with being honest, kind, and polite as an autistic person in this society is that I could not say anything about my experience of society. This is why my life is exclusively dominated by meeting other people's needs, mine rarely being heard and literally never being adequately understood.
Be my bee…
I can't take this guy seriously lol
Huh
But then when you be like this it looks like you’re being really clingy and that also annoys people
Spot on
Yeah naw. When I do this people leave me without exception.
Honesty really is contagious and beautiful, as you said. It's amazing how authenticity in relationships can inspire others to open up and connect on a deeper level. The School of Life always finds a way to bring these truths to light. Thanks for the reminder that being genuine has such a ripple effect!
Anything you confess to a narcissist,they will twist against you.
Not this re-appearing in my recommended after a situationship break😢
sometimes we don't know what we feel
What are the other rules for them?
We already have healthy communication like that since we're both from abusive families
The tough thing about this is that the initial deception is internal. You have to be honest with yourself first, and that takes a lot of bravery and emotional maturity.