How I overcame depression by just sitting around | Jonathan Schoenmaker

How I overcame depression by just sitting around | Jonathan Schoenmaker | TEDxDelft

Jonathan Schoenmaker struggled with depression. With the best intentions, his friends and family would try to help by saying all the wrong things. In the end, Jonathan found the best way for him to experience happiness. As it turned out, what he needed most wasn't what everyone told him it would be. Jonathan Schoenmaker: a 20 year old Dutch physics student at the TU Delft and winner of the TEDx Delft Award. Jonathan’s talk is about his experience of suffering years of depression and the steps one can actually take to try and help people with this serious disease This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

depression can get to anyone it got me when I was a teenager now it is incredibly difficult to explain depression to someone who's never experienced it before being depressed doesn't necessarily mean you'd want to take your own life more often than not it means you wouldn't mind if you just disappeared never to return but after trying and failing to explain this multiple times I discovered it really all boils down into one sentence I didn't want to die I just didn't want to live now I would get mad at myself because I felt like I had no reason to be sad or tired or depressed I had an amazing childhood I create friends I had a long-term girlfriend I had good grades in school and buy good grades I mean I knew exactly how much I had to study to get a solid 60% on the test when I was just shy of 16 years old I decided to tell a couple of friends I felt depressed I don't know what I expected I think I fought just telling them would make me feel better they did not I noticed that people don't always know how to show their support to someone suffering from depression they want to show their support but how well let's talk about it there are multiple ways to show your support to someone suffering from depression four of which I will go into now the first method is what I called a good life method now when I told my friends about my depression a lot of them will react along the same lines they would say but Jonathan you have such a good life you have so much to be happy for why are you not happy look at that guy he has reasons to be unhappy but he's not so why are you now this didn't work out all that well because even though they had the best intentions it would always come across as why are you being such a crybaby and this didn't help especially because there's already mad at myself for feeling this way now the second method as what I call D oh thanks I'm cured now method this is where someone will come up to me and say you know I was depressed once and I just stopped thinking about it and then I felt better and that's what they would tell me to do now these people almost always seem to forget that depression is an actual illness so it would be like telling someone with the flu have you tried you know not having the flu now the third method that's what I call to hear when you need to talk method these are usually close friends who are once know how you're doing nearly every waking minute of every day and for a lot of people this will help a lot of people really do just need that constant outlet to send – now I don't like to talk about my emotions a lot I listen to and make music as now look for these emotions so I rarely feel the need to talk to other people and this is where the fourth and last method comes in I called us to just sit here with me method now let me tell you about one of the most memorable moments of my life I came home from school at about 1:00 in the afternoon because I rarely ever went to school for the full day said about the house for 30 minutes and a friend of mine Ramya he said Jonathan what the park we got music we got snacks we got a case of beer coming out with little hesitation I decided to join them and so we went to the park and all we did was sit there listen to music and drink a couple of beers Cheers the conversation was pretty much non-existent for the greater part of the afternoon and when there was an ongoing conversation it was probably just incredibly shallow or incredibly funny and that's the part that worked for me being surrounded by friends who didn't treat me any differently because of how I felt they all knew about it and they all thought it would be best not to talk about it because if I wanted to talk about it I probably would have said something in these cases I was able to focus on the bad jokes my friends were telling me it was the first time that entire school year now I truly felt happy for a moment now I don't do well on my own but I 5-1 and my friends I've learned that if I have the option to go and see French I should always take it it took a lot of time to start asking friends to hang out it even took a lot of time to start accepting these invitations but to me that one day in the park was a turning point I now knew my ability to feel happiness didn't disappear but a lot of the times I need friends around me to trigger the emotion and it's not about feeling truly happy all the time when you were friends it's more about being occupied in these cases my mind was able to focus on the stories my friends were telling me and intense calculations about how cold the coldest beer in the fridge should be by now now I came across all of these methods when I was depressed to just sit here with me method is the one that worked for me I'm really glad I found that out but there's one thing that worries me and that's that the first two methods the good life and the oh thanks I'm cured now method are far more common than the last two and this worries me because these methods did more harm than good because in the end it wasn't the people who kept saying you'll be fine that held me for my depression and what's the people who just showed up sitting next to me and had a beer with me while watching sports so if you know someone someone like me or someone else suffering from mental issues go knock on their door bring a six-pack bring a slice of pizza and either be the ear they need to vent to or the person that would just sit there with them because sometimes your words may do more harm than good to just your presence might go a long way [Applause]

#overcame #depression #sitting #Jonathan #Schoenmaker #TEDxDelft

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@mizt7643 9 June 2025 at 18:34

This video catastrophically illustrated that I have ABSOLUTELY no one who just shows up to sit with me. When the world tells one she doesn't exist why not disappear permanently
@carolosborne126 9 June 2025 at 18:34

I thought alcohol consumption was not recommended for people with depression?
@GeraldLewis-n6y 9 June 2025 at 18:34

I'm on a very low dose of Zoloft 25mgs tablet I'm depressed still I just need a higher dose of Zoloft so that I can feel better
@APR4JC 9 June 2025 at 18:34

sorry bro, but i simply want to die and dont want to exist ever again. THAT is depression.
@glyveozone7303 9 June 2025 at 18:34

sometimes just eating well is all the body needs to heal and grow. Current world geography and social media might make it colder, but at least we all got that in common too, right
@michelletelle-f2k 9 June 2025 at 18:34

This really hit home. Sometimes, the best support isn’t advice—it’s just showing up. My boyfriend struggled with depression, and what helped him most was having people who treated him normally, no pressure, no forced conversations.
Reading Shift Your Mind by Alexander Brooks also gave him a new perspective on his thoughts and emotions. If you know someone struggling, just being there can mean more than you realize.
@SportsScriptMatt 9 June 2025 at 18:34

So do hard drugs with your friends to cure depression… brilliant
@coldshatterhand 9 June 2025 at 18:34

This is not Depression. Not even close. Drinking alcolhol as a depressed person? Right.. bad idea.
Its more like hes talking about the absence of happiness or a fullfiled life. Thats not depression. Thats a "normal" struggle, we all have to face.
@yodamaster202 9 June 2025 at 18:34

If you are realy depressed you don't have any friends anymore.
@MeteSevda-r6n 9 June 2025 at 18:34

Amazing discussion! One thing that really helped me personally was reading Mental Revival Code at lunetho`s if you're feeling lost, give it a try
@niceblue7236 9 June 2025 at 18:34

Same here
@RyanWeatherley-bn9pp 9 June 2025 at 18:34

…
@Thompsonpool 9 June 2025 at 18:34

This is very touching with people who care about you but do not try to fix you because they accept who you are, and then life goes on.
@Aureu 9 June 2025 at 18:34

Yeah… And when you don't have friends? 😐
@patrickboudreau3846 9 June 2025 at 18:34

When i face depression, usually around November, even my loving wife gets tired of having me around. All i can do is wait for it to pass. I’m frozen in time, unable to smile, unable to enjoy life. Its hard on me and worst for her, even after 30 years together.
@raimi8mm 9 June 2025 at 18:34

Sounds like we are being pushed around by a system that is broken, and that sitting around doing nothing is just you actually reacting to the fact that you’ve had to do a bunch of stuff that you’ve never actually wanted to do and hear your life to a bunch of philosophies that you never actually believed in…

At that point sitting around to gather your thoughts, makes the most sense out of everything you could possibly do .

T pose to the max bra.
@charlesdavidwargo850 9 June 2025 at 18:34

One of the main reasons it's so hard to explain to other people how depression feels is that so many people are convinced they already know what it feels like.
@el-adcohen8201 9 June 2025 at 18:34

This almost sounds like Zen.
@ralitsailieva2205 9 June 2025 at 18:34

Thank you Jonathan❤! I feel the same way! Being surrounded by people I don’t feel depression but being alone sometimes when it’s happening! I have an ADHD and I found that is the way to help myself through socializing
@hamzhums3474 9 June 2025 at 18:34

This is great ❤
@cathyscott6047 9 June 2025 at 18:34

When I push past all my barriers to do what can help depression, I’m left with true, crippling pain & weakness from 30 years of progressed illness. Due to a skin condition I cannot be in clothing but for short periods of time making it impossible to get out in public or be with people much at all. I’m trying to find anyone who addresses my situation.