"I'm Fine" - Learning To Live With Depression | Jake Tyler

“I'm Fine” – Learning To Live With Depression | Jake Tyler | TEDxBrighton

Jake is 31 and lives with Depression. Last year Jake embarked on a journey to manage his mental health in a new way, through exercise, sharing and the great outdoors. Jake has now walked over 2000 miles around the UK, vlogging his experiences with thousands of online followers as he goes and attracting the attention of both the BBC and the Royal Family. In this talk, Jake shares his insights into living with depression and how connecting to and opening up to a wide online community has affected his relationship with depression.
Jake is 31 and lives with Depression. Last year Jake embarked on a journey to manage his mental health in a new way, through exercise, sharing and the great outdoors. Jake has now walked over 2000 miles around the UK, vlogging his experiences with thousands of online followers as he goes and attracting the attention of both the BBC and the Royal Family. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

[Music] Wow hi all right how's it going how are you feeling at shouldn't be up there yeah okay how we all doing awful all forward not you what you did was absolutely fine I'm talking about the the torturous engagement tactic that I just used I hate that when when the person I know I just did it but when the person comes out and they start doing the thing and they asked a whole room a whole room full of people at the same time how they're doing because the only thing you can really say in response to that is like oh whatever you just did and that isn't an appropriate answer to how are you doing any other situation you know I could be shopping in Woolworths in 1994 and I go up to I see a mate in there looking at the fur bees and I'd be like hey Gordon you know how's it going if Gordon just turns around and goes down like that just howls at the strip lighting at the top like some mad citified 90's wolf I'm gonna think what freaked and just turn around leave my basket of pogs there and just walk off but yeah when I when people ask me how I'm doing I say I'm fine generally I think that's that's what everybody does but for me that's not real appropriate answer either because for me it's a way of deflecting the question it's like a reflex and deflecting that question is something I've got really good at because a lot of the time I'm not fine in fact but I live with depression and deflecting people away from what's really going on with me is just it's just what I do when you get really convincing it pretending that you're okay people just assume you are much like a lot of you thought there was nothing wrong with me when I first came out here none of my friends family anybody knew anything was wrong with me until maybe a year and a half ago when I decided to tell them I've been secretly living with dark thoughts and self-loathing for you know most of my adult life and saying I'm fine and not addressing it and not letting anybody in is if it's just a bad move you know and the more the things that have happened to me over the last year that the more I've sort of realized that that's it's like putting a plaster over cancer you're not dealing with anything last April was the worst time for me I was living with that feeling I can't even describe I still can I'm have to now obviously but if I was to choose one word it'd be something like overwhelm I remember lying in bed one morning and I was overwhelmed because I was trying to remember what feeling happy felt like and I couldn't remember and I thought there's no point in living if I can't actually remember how to be happy anymore I'd had suicidal thoughts before as everyone who suffers from depression it surely does but always knew I'd never really go through with it because of the the pain and you know everything that would cause the people that were close to me is you know what a great deterrent that is I just didn't couldn't do that but that morning when I lay in bed depression had completely taken over my thoughts it manipulated and it had lied its way into making me think that ending my own life wasn't just best for me but actually would be best for everybody because that was that is what depression does it overpowers you it takes the wheel and it steers you away from everyone and everything you love and it takes you down a dark tunnel and when you're in that turn oh it hugs you and it tells you that this is where you're supposed to belong I called my mum that morning but it wasn't because I needed help I thought I was beyond help I called her because I thought that day I was going to take my own life and I called her to hear her voice one last time not only does my mum love me I think she she knows me better than anyone and also she's a mental health professional and I think by the tone of my voice the kind of things that I was saying she knew something really serious was up and and the love I heard in her voice she she managed to bring me back for a second and in that second she suggested that together we get me some help and that's kind of all it took I went to my GP the next day and I did something I thought I'd never do I I told someone I didn't know what was going on inside my own head and after a little conversation about depression he asked me a question I can't believe I hadn't asked myself he said do you actually want to die or do you just not want to feel like this anymore I thought what an important distinction to make because when you're when you're in that fog you cannot you can't ask yourself questions like that my depression doesn't hit me like a sledgehammer out of nowhere I needed this it leave like with sudden relief like waking up from a nightmare it creeps in and then it creeps away again it's like taking a painkiller for a headache you don't know the instant your headache is gone you just realize it's been gone a while I realized I was feeling better when I was out walking the dog one day and I realized I've walked the thing 12 miles and everything just everything I just and I was perfectly happy doing that and it just felt good you know and this sounds weird but everything looks normal again all the colors looked how they should because depression kind of lowers the saturation on everything for me and everything just looked good it just felt good there's like the part of my brain that conked out six months before had just spluttered back into life and all these my excitement and motivation and appreciation of beauty or this sort of thing had suddenly start to come back online and I was beginning to remember a feeling happy felt like I put it all down to the walk-in I put it well not all of it but I put it down to being outside and making that first step into talking home and I had an idea I went into town straightaway and I bought a map of Great Britain and I sat frantically circling all the all the parts of the country that I thought would inspire me to stay outside the hole you know then just to kind of keep this good feeling going and and I thought in turn if I document that then I might inspire other people who've been through what I've been through to to get outside as well once I'd circled all the bits of Great Britain that I wanted to see I put a big line through them all when this route appeared in front of me I'm like yes I'm doing that I need to do that that was the easy bit obviously the hard bit wasn't getting myself match fit which was really hard you should have seen me it wasn't researching and sourcing the kit I needed it wasn't plotting my route to the end it was was telling people what I was good not so much what I was gonna do but why I was gonna do it because it meant coming clean finally all these feelings I've been so ashamed of for so long all this stuff that I fought compromised Who I am as a person I had to tell them all it was the worst thing I ever had to do and the best thing I ever did the response absolutely floored me and I couldn't believe the amount of people that were going through the same kind of thing I was going through and all of a sudden I realized that this was important this is something I really really have to do the name I gave my 3,000 mile hike around Great Britain was black dog walks six weeks later I stood at Brighton Pier and just started heading west all I had on me ironically were the things that I needed to survive in a week I'd reached Bournemouth in a month and a half I'd reached Lands End and at this point it was all about promoting exercise of being outdoors as a way of managing mental health and raising money for the Mental Health Foundation but by the time I got up to Wales I've been gone for so long the thing had turned from a challenge into a lifestyle where I found a way to live in the moment serendipity serendipitous encounters with strangers of being immersed in nature all the time and having the feeling like you're living completely in the moment is like gold dust to a depressive by the time I'd made it into North Wales climb Mount Snowdon and come back I was getting messages from people all over the country and I couldn't believe how open people were being about their own experiences and how much this was connecting with people and I know it was something really really interesting a lot of people who got in touch with me hadn't actually told anyone else I was the first person they were telling and I was like no one no one else could understand and I remember having that feeling as well because everything in my life led me to my depression that awful feeling you know the situation's have been in the people in my life the decisions I've made everything had just reached that one moment I thought how the hell is anyone gonna understand that and ever and that was the thread that was running through all these conversations I was having with people they were like no one's gonna understand me cause I've been through this this this this and this and I realize it's not that's not what we should be talking about it's the feeling itself because depression is it huge like it's the biggest most inclusive club in the world like anyone can join it's evolving all the time but the its biggest trick is convincing everyone who's part of that club that they're the only member isn't that clever and everyone thinks that their stuff is the worst and no one's ever had as bad as me and all the guilt that goes with that and everything but that's because we're talking about the wrong things we start talking about the feeling itself then people can get on board without people know what that's like and that's when things turn into a community last November I experienced the true nature of community when I did this got involved in a BBC documentary where I and nine other people with mental health problems decided to tell our stories to the nation and run the London Marathon together initially I thought it was just gonna be a you know something about mental health and endorphins and all the things I've been trying to sum up with in the walk but as it went on I realized that running was the backdrop and it was more of the community and the achievement and all these things that running led to that were having a real positive impact on my mental health movement is the words my coach Chevy is that guy used it instead of exercise I think I still don't quite know his you know how his brain works and that's why I love it but he but movement sort of isn't just about exercise it's about moving forward it's about progression it's about working on yourself physically and mentally and being there for other people but being in the documentary I mean I was communicating by you know doing the walk before through video blogging but I had the kind of safety net thereof of talking about it for you know talking into my phone on my own and having the luxury of being able to trim out some of the waffle that is some of the stuff that I thought wasn't necessary later on before I posted it as a video blog what my neighbor meritum told me to do or force me to do even was to put an unedited version of myself out there and that's when I realized what a great leveller talking about your mental health openly is nobody's above anyone else in that conversation I think a lot of how we present ourselves is is run by ego in the status and I think a lot of that it governs how you know the things that we do and what we say a discussion about mental health seems to suspend all that and it levels the playing field and that's great because it's a reminder that really we're all on the same team we all have mental health and the more we learn about each other's the more we learn about our own whether it was talking to one of the guys my coach you know Nick Knowles Prince Harry you know I don't if I've got a picture of Prince Harry actually oh yeah I totally do so when we announced it we were having our first child that's libelous that didn't happen I didn't impregnate Prince Harry on the set of my Nova marathon it's important that you know that but I love this picture because we do look like mates and if we look relaxed and that's because I've had I've been lucky enough to have that we'll fight we bobbin in the background there we'd had this conversation this 15-minute 20 minute long conversation and I was asking him how he was doing he was asking me how I was doing it was real weed levelled it all out like and I didn't feel beneath him Prince Harry fell on top of him right that stops now that stops now and breaking down the invisible barriers that society creates for us barriers which make us question our place in the world it's just good for everybody talking about mental health is what's best for society because deep down everyone craves human connection the walk still going on I'm I came down from Inverness I've walked over 2,000 miles and after this I'll be heading back up there to to finish it up back to John O'Groats and then head back to Brighton and hopefully finished sometime this winter so I'm not gonna finish on that because it's not done yet I want to I want to finish on something that I have achieved and something I'm proud of because I want to show that in the face of depression people can achieve big things and that's a powerful thing this is something I wrote the day after I ran the London Marathon and a year after I lay in bed that day about to kill myself as I approached the marker at Mar 26 my body begins to feel heavy it feels like with every step that I take another layer of clothing goes on by the time me and poppy marched past the houses of parliament I feel like I'm wearing a suit of armor and then we run the last point two miles is harder than the 26 before it it's almost impossible eight hundred meters to go six hundred meters to go four hundred I feel like I'm running through water 200 the crowds cheer snaps me back into reality and I realized what happening where I am and what I'm about to do I reach out and I grab Papa's hand and do my best to hold it up what I'm so weak I could barely lift my own arm i feet pound the road in unison both knees strapped up as we finally crossed the line in 5 hours and 52 minutes and as my pace drops and I begin to walk I feel strangely calm I glide over to the people that have been there with me over the last six months as I watch them cry and hug and congratulate I take a step back and I make a promise to myself that whenever I feel worthless whenever I feel worthless whenever I feel alone and ashamed of the feelings I'm feeling I'll play this moment over and over again in my head until it goes away because the feeling I have right now I don't want to die I want to live forever thank you [Applause]

#Fine #Learning #Live #Depression #Jake #Tyler #TEDxBrighton

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@AH-em3zl 25 October 2025 at 19:14

😢😢😢yep…❤😊
@zainab9m 25 October 2025 at 19:14

How can I help myself over the depression and stop suicidal thoughts I can't focus on anything
I'm just mad at myself
@glenbateman5960 25 October 2025 at 19:14

"I'm fine" has become one of my favorite expressions, right up there with "Oh, well."
My wife and my daughter have learned to see through that and call me out on it, but everyone else just accepts it.
@GlowbyZix 25 October 2025 at 19:14

The world would be better off without me. 🙁
@ericwelsh1042 25 October 2025 at 19:14

I can't believe you just described the way I have been feeling. I don't remember what it feels like to be happy.
@-Cancer- 25 October 2025 at 19:14

I'm alright
@ExodusOfToday 25 October 2025 at 19:14

You are body, mind, and spirit… you have to take care of your body by making sure you are in constant movement, surrounded by life, not toxins, and get rid of everything artificial. You have to take care of your mind by being careful what you put through your eyes as well as your ears and all of your body, and you have to make sure your spirit is whole. That’s what I share and more in my channel’s description.
@jaylinehernandez4208 25 October 2025 at 19:14

It’s hard to get help when you feel like something is holding you back something inside it’s not letting u talk or ask for help n u get so angry at this feeling but yet u don’t want it to go away. And no matter how lonely you feel no matter how much you would like to tell someone u just can’t n sometimes u feel like being alone it’s better for you or u feel like u was born to make other happy except yourself like happiness is something you don’t deserve 😢
@ninibibiful 25 October 2025 at 19:14

Again understand that depression is from satan,

I’m serious about this

As serious as telling you I might know how Jesus also looks like
@Iovingthoseclassics 25 October 2025 at 19:14

One of the hardest parts of sharing your condition with others is trying to make them understand what it's like.
@ucstellar1368 25 October 2025 at 19:14

In Christian numerology, '3' is the number of the Trinity, and the number of confirmation.

The easiest most powerful meditation I have made and I think anyone can make is simply: 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus'.

Whenever I meditate upon the name of Jesus, I find myself always wanting to exhale…He is like sweet perfume [2 Cor 2: 14-15 ], and in [Matt 11:28-30] we are told that we should come to him because his yoke is light.

When Jesus enters the room – when he enters the equation the dynamism of our situation must surely change.
@theVoid524 25 October 2025 at 19:14

5:25–5:43 the way he described that is EXACTLY how I feel. I go through these intense waves of depression where I've given up all hope and I'm convinced no one loves me, and then in the next few days it goes away and I carry on going to work and doing class work
@veramonh9139 25 October 2025 at 19:14

If you learn to live with depression then YOU DON'T HAVE DEPRESSION 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
@UNOdeepbitxh 25 October 2025 at 19:14

❤
@starmalone9290 25 October 2025 at 19:14

Hi
@aliciahaab825 25 October 2025 at 19:14

What's a point when you share with another person. Nothing changes. Still, the problems are there
@Ayaansharfi 25 October 2025 at 19:14

I FELT GOOD LISTENING TO THIS(NOT MUSIC)
IT'S SURAH AD DUHA(search on YT surah Ad Duha)

Pls Listen to surah Ad Duha (search on YT surah Ad Duha nd Listen carefully while closing your Eyes nd try to Connect with the CONTENT)
You will Feel Better
Just try once with Clean heart nd Wanting to connect with THE CONTENT

PLS SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCE AFTER DOING THIS IF YOU FEEL GOOD ILL SURELY SAY MORE PEOPL ABOUT IT
ND THIS WAY IF ANY 1 FEEL GOOD ITS ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD 🎉🎉
@yestinaviles7046 25 October 2025 at 19:14

This may go no where but I have been living with depression and anxiety. I have learned to hide it and pretend everything is ok when I know it is not. Though out the years I believe it going to get better but I feel like it get worst.

I feel like I have been living with depression for so long that I have become numb to a point but I know it there.
@Its.theGoodLife 25 October 2025 at 19:14

Such a good informative TED Talk! We just dropped a video on depression and suicide as well. Loved adding to the discussion
@AvikSubedi 25 October 2025 at 19:14

Happiness is something you take. You simply steal it off of life's shelves without permission. You don't ask.
You don't expect it to come to you. Just shove it in your pocket when no one is looking so that you can enjoy it later all by yourself. A little secret that nobody else knows about. Enjoy.
@PatrickMcArdle-s8z5v 25 October 2025 at 19:14

IN THE VACINITY
@QbertTehKiller 25 October 2025 at 19:14

So far what everyone has told me is basically pretend like it's all fine and it'll be fine. Great advice. The overpass seems to give better advice than humans at this point.
@Elenaluv7 25 October 2025 at 19:14

For anyone who needs this:

Please stay safe and surround yourself with good people. Make new friends and make friends that aren't toxic. Not for me not for anyone else for your own sake. You matter. To everyone you've made feel better. Crying doesn't make you weak it just shows how long you have survived under the pressure. Survive. He happy, be grateful, be full of emotions even sadness, anger. You're a human that can feel any emotion. Don't hold back. Cry, go all out, laugh the way you want to. Don't be insecure. I've never been depressed but I feel you. I know people who have been depressed. I know what they need. Once again, you matter. ❤♥️💕💙💛💘
@ali_yusuf_ 25 October 2025 at 19:14

Just as everything has its nourishment, so too does the soul—and psychology, which is its instrument—require nourishment and healing. That nourishment is ideology. But I am speaking of a sound ideology, one that brings peace and satisfaction to a person. To put it more clearly: it must be a faith that grants meaning and purpose to life, explaining every aspect of existence in a way that is magnificent and deeply satisfying to the human heart. And this can be nothing other than Islam. For among all systems of thought, Islam explains life in such a perfect way that it is impossible for there to be anything higher or better.

Apart from congenital illnesses, at the root of all psychological disorders lies the inability to reach, understand, and put into practice the Islamic worldview. There was a time when I myself was an atheist, unaware of this reality. The absence of anything that could give true meaning to life led me into numerous psychological illnesses—major depression, and even symptoms bordering on mild forms of schizophrenia.

At the very moment when I was about to end my life, my Lord introduced me to Islam. After embracing Islam, I spent some time questioning and searching. I constantly sought answers from Islam to my questions, and I was always astonished by how beautiful, complete, and satisfying those answers were. This process of questioning only strengthened my faith further, and by God’s grace, granted me a state of mental health far beyond the ordinary.

In short, dear people—yes, I say “dear people,” because we are the most precious beings created by Allah—the hardships we endure are but a means of drawing closer to Him. Just as nothing in Allah’s creation is without purpose, the difficulties we face also have a reason: so that we may find Him, attain peace with Him, and draw near to Him. Ultimately, you are seeking remedies in the wrong place.

“He who knows Him and obeys Him is truly happy, even in a prison. He who forgets Him is imprisoned and miserable, even if he lives in palaces.”